My grandmother kept a diary for every day of her 63 years of
marriage. Her last entry was the day my grandfather died and it simply said
“Dad died today.” It seemed so simple but now that I have been widowed for
almost eleven years, I have realized what those words implied – I have walked
in her shoes. It is a very difficult adjustment and you never stop missing your
loved one. But you find a way to move on and make a life without them.
When my grandmother passed away three years later, and the
aunts were getting the house she had lived in for almost fifty of those sixty
three years, ready to sell, they found many of her “diaries.” My grandfather was active in
many jobs and organizations, and my grandparents would receive the
little yearly date books given out at the end of a year and those were what
most of her entries were in. My sister happened to be visiting at the time they
were working on the house and managed to get about fifteen of the diaries, I later transcribed most of them. They were fascinating as she was more
of a historian than she realized and would start each day with the temperature
and humidity noted, then who she sent greeting cards to (or received them from
if the occasion was noted) and spoke often of her relationship to the people
she was remembering.
Since a couple of the diaries were in the seventies, she
noted how often they would go to the funeral homes (there were three active
ones in my hometown at that time) to visitations of family members and friends
and acquaintances and often spoke of who they met up with, while there, and how
they related to us (if they did) or how they knew them. As I read them, I found myself thinking how
sad that the later years of their life was spent in funeral homes so often.
During those years I was a young wife and mother and seemed always to be very
busy and only occasionally did I have a funeral to attend..
However, this past couple of months I have attended three
funerals and several visitations and I am realizing that I am at the age of my
grandmother when she was writing those diaries and I am beginning to understand
more fully what my grandparents were experiencing. I read my home town
newspaper online and more often they include people I went to school with, or
former neighbors and again I realize that this is a normal progression in life.
All of this is leading up to having attended the funeral
yesterday of my neighbor. The theme of the minister’s remarks was “Unfinished
Business.” He spoke of how at the time we are called to make the journey home
we will leave behind unfinished business – the things we were going to do
tomorrow, or next week; the friends we were going to call, or go see and
didn’t; the letters we were going to write and didn’t, etc. Well, you get the
picture – just as I did. None of us knows when that hour will be that we will
be called home – for some of us I am sure it is sooner than we hope or expect –
but I now am more aware of the unfinished business I will leave behind.
I know that many people think when I sign a letter or a
facebook post or whatever opportunity presents itself to me to use my mantra
‘hugs and love’ it is like saying ‘have a nice day.’ But is isn’t, my dear
relatives and friends. I have always liked to hug, but have realized in the
past few years that we all have missed opportunities to hug someone or to tell
them that you love them. This is my way of hugging you and telling you that I
love you, if I can’t be present to do it personally. But I try very hard to
never miss the chance to show those I care for that I do love them with a hug
and/or being able to tell them that I do. I really want people to know when I
am the one who has gone home and left behind unfinished business that it wasn’t
that I didn’t let them know how much they meant to me .
So as you read this blog, please know that each of you hold
a special place in my life and heart. Hugs and love to you all.
